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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30025326">Winter Leaf</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/banriscoffee/pseuds/banriscoffee'>banriscoffee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A3! (Anime), A3! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:15:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30025326</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/banriscoffee/pseuds/banriscoffee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Banri Settsu is far in his eldery years and he is living alone after having lost his lover (reader) years ago. It's New Year's, which means the start of a new year without you. Please 'enjoy' this one-shot of January 1st for the old Banri. This story implies several characters having passed away and may be triggering to people who have experienced the loss of a loved one/family member.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Settsu Banri/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Winter Leaf</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by the song ‘Winter Leaf ~Kimi wa mou inai~ by Koji Tamaki, even though the lyrics aren’t necessarily related.<br/>(Also please note that I don't know how to tag on AO3, so if I should've tagged anything, please kindly tell me).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>January 1st. A day that represents the start of a new year, a new mindset and it is often a day on which families meet up and wish each other the best for the coming year. Good health, good fortune and all the other good one could wish another. It wasn’t such a happy day as it’d be for most people for the now far in his elderly years Banri Settsu. Of course, he’d be happy to see his family, that is, his children, who have already grown into wonderful adults themselves and who already have children of their own, but January 1st is also a painful day. It’s a day on which he remembers he’s living another year without you, his special person whom he lost a few years ago. Despite a lot of time having passed, it still hurts like it happened yesterday. He won’t ever forget your last words, or the lovingly look you had in your eyes when you breathed your last breath, holding his hand. He won’t ever forget the feeling of your strength fading from your grip as you slowly passed. He won’t ever forget the amount of tears he cried that day, and on the days that followed.<br/>
When his alarm rang, Banri furrowed his eyebrows while his eyes were still closed and his old arm reached out to turn it off. His other arm automatically reached out to the space next to him, your side of the bed, but it was empty. Although he knew it’d be, he still felt a little sad and stared at the vacant spot for a few seconds, remembering some old memories of mornings where he woke up with you by his side.</p><p>Before sitting up in order to get out of bed, he took a few moments to remember his plans for the day. At 14:00 his children and grandchildren would come to visit him. He’d have to tidy up a bit. He looked out of the window. It was snowing, gently, the snowflakes falling down quietly and beautifully, giving the idea of a winter wonderland. How you would have loved to see snow like this, Banri thought to himself. He shook his head, what had become of the once so tough and carefree Banri Settsu, acting like a sentimental old man now?<br/>
He got on his feet with a little bit of trouble, because even he, with all the physical training he had done and the muscle he had had in the past, had a body that was steadily growing older and older, which resulted in a painful back and other difficulties while bowing down or standing up. When he got to the kitchen and opened his refrigerator, he noticed he’d have to go to the supermarket, if he wanted to give his family something to eat when they arrived. He had spent New Years alone, just drinking a bit and messaging his friends and family, who haven’t passed away yet, at 00:00 and went to bed afterwards. He was too old to go to any parties and preferably spent his time at home. His sister had lost her husband a few years ago as well, but he didn’t feel like being all sentimental with her on New Year’s by bringing up precious memories. </p><p>He decided to get dressed and head out for the supermarket. Despite it being January 1st, the big one should be open. He put on his long, black coat that was decorated with small cheetah prints all over it (in the end he never let go of his love for animal prints) and looked at himself in the horizontal mirror that was in the hallway. What he saw was a sad excuse for a well-aged man. The holes where once his piercings gave his face the extra thing that made him him were still visible, though he no longer wore any. His once brown, long hair was now a light shade of grey and was slowly falling out. He had decided to keep it short not a long time ago, because the hairs were getting thinner and when it was long it looked absolutely disastrous. He also wore glasses now, as his sight had taken a turn for the worse, not long after he had had to say goodbye to you. From time to time he wondered what you would’ve said to him if you could’ve seen him like this. Would you have said that he looked pathetic? Banri would sometimes think so, but then remembered your incredible kind and teasing self, which means you’d tell him that he’d look pathetic, but pathetically charming. He grinned to himself, the grin he’d always worn ever since he was a teenager, though it gave off a different feeling now, now that he was old: ‘Damn, I look like a fuckin’ predator.’ Yes, his manner of speech hadn’t improved, even after all these years.</p><p>He left the house and walked the usual route he had been taking ever since the two of you moved into town. After a little while, he encountered a young couple, probably newly-wed. They were sitting on a bench that looked like it could fall apart at any moment, but they looked so happy, so thankful that they could spend their days together. Banri watched them a little as he slowly walked by. How much he’d give to sit on a bench together with you just once more. You two used to do it all the time. Whenever he didn’t feel like going to a café, he often invited you for picknick dates in the park. You two would just talk and pass the time by playing out scenes from the Autumn Troupe’s plays. Ah, the Autumn Troupe. You’d always come to watch his plays and got along with the other members. The Mankai Company had dissolved ages ago, but Banri thought about them every single day. Who could blame him? It meant, and still means, so much to him.<br/>
He felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He was shaken from his train of thought by the sound of something cracking under his foot. He looked down, only to see that he’d stepped on a crumpled leaf. Banri chuckled to himself; the leaf he’d just stepped on perfectly represented himself. A broken, old, ugly winter leaf. Abandoned by mother nature because it was no longer needed. Who knew what tree the leaf could’ve come from? Banri hardly knew anything about plants and he’d long forgotten the things Tsumugi had told him. The leaf was born and lived his youth during spring, experienced his midlife crisis in summer, lived his elderly years in autumn and was brought to peace in winter. It lay there, on the cold ground, completely crushed, but it looked soothing. It had lost all the colour it had once had, but it looked like it had lived a worthy life. Banri kneeled down, despite how much that hurt his old knees, and picked it up. He stared at it and wished that once his passing came, he’d look as peaceful as this one particular leaf. He was able to share his life with his greatest love and he was thankful for that. He missed you so, so much. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was looking forward to being able to see you again soon. </p><p>Banri closed his eyes as he could feel the tears rolling down his face. He looked absolutely pathetic, or pathetically charming (using your words), bent over on his knees in the snow that was piercing cold, holding onto a leaf as if his life depended on it. The young couple heard his soft cries and came to him running, asking him if he needed any help. He brushed them off, slowly reverting back to his younger self and looked in their eyes for several seconds only, but those moments were enough to enable him to regain his calmness. What he saw in their eyes was the promise of a future. A long future, filled with happiness. He remembered how you told him to live a long life and to take care of your family. How could he almost have forgotten? It was your last wish; for him to live on without you and without suffering. It was a goddamn selfish wish of you, but he was up for the challenge. And the first step to making that wish come true, after living in a slumber for so long, was to get his ass to the supermarket and buy some of his kids’ favourite snacks.</p>
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